Does this sound familiar? It is five o’clock in the afternoon and time to head home from work when a co-worker asks you to stay late to help with a project. Naturally, you are tired, have loads to do at home, but you hear yourself answer, “Sure, no problem,” all while your inner voice is screaming “NOOOOO!”This type of scenario happens to a lot of people for a variety of reasons. Sometimes we don’t say “no” because we don’t want to hurt someone’s feelings, or we are afraid someone will judge, intimidate, or criticize us. The problem with not being able to say “no” when we may really want to is that we often end up frustrated, angry, and resentful because we are so busy taking care of other people’s needs that we don’t have time to tend to our own. I am happy to say that with a little practice it is possible to break this habit, and the results are well worth the effort. The next time you find yourself in this kind of situation, here is what you need to do. First, take stock of the commitments you already have, and think about those things you would like to do for yourself. Do you want more time for yourself to do more exercise, read more, or take a class or seminar of some kind? If so, put these things into your schedule and choose to make them happen. You will get what you need and want if you choose it and take action.The next thing to do is to refrain from answering requests in the affirmative before really considering the proposition. When someone asks a favor of you, before answering, take a breath and give the request a moment of thought. Don’t be afraid to tell the person you need a little time to think it over or that you will get back to them once you have examined your calendar. This takes some pressure from making an instant decision and gives you time to consider if you want to take on anything new or not.Finally, pay attention to your feelings. When someone makes an “above and beyond” request of you, think about your feelings. Do you feel enthusiastic and excited about the prospect or does it fill you with dread? Do you feel you should say “yes” mainly because you think you should or because you feel guilty? Once you have considered these factors, be honest with yourself. It’s OK to say your calendar is full. And don’t feel the need to apologize or attempt to explain. Honoring your personal priorities and needs is the right thing to do and if someone gets upset over it, it’s their problem, not yours. Be able to take good care of yourself and to consider your own needs and desires when it comes to taking on extra projects or responsibilities. There are times when it’s OK to say “No.”
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